Sneaky Sessions

So I’ve just spent what felt like an eternity preparing for my exams next week – eek! I did little else than revising and it was soul destroying.

I did however get in three sneaky sessions at the West Way located only about a mile from my place. I don’t normally frequent it, as it caters more for leading but convenience took precedence. My first session back was rather shocking as how much I lost. The next one was better as I showed a bit of improvement. However, I was left with the overwhelming feeling of ‘wow, I actually used to be able to do stuff like that’ and felt despondently a million miles away.

I am again left asking the question why am I drawn to stuff that takes everything from me. I tell myself not to worry as the one thing that is pretty much certain is that you can always get back to your former fitness levels. Improving is another issue and passing exams is even less certain. But still… it’s upsetting.

Yesterday however was slightly better. I had been working this V4 (I know… I can hear you chuckling from here) that was um very reachy (*cough*) and though I was making progress on it, I felt weak and like everything had to be exactly right. Not last time though… dyno to an awkwardly too big for my grip pinch, match feet, lock-off, throw for the crimp / pinch weirdness, feet come off… ya – this is what I remember. And then of course, I fell off.

And it was here, distracted and having one of my weakest sessions, I saw myself from a different perspective. I saw myself trying. I saw what I put into it.

Maybe one day I’ll be content with something easy… but it’s definitely not today.

Grendel

Away from the tension I sit in wait as a storm rolls across the gentle hills.
Contemplating the avoidance I take unkindly to being left in the dark.

Down the wooden stairs I trod, flashlight to hand, dispelling the darkness.
At the end, suddenly I clash with my mother, together in half-darkness we travel.

Clinging to the torch, we traverse the kitchen.
Alas there is a spot, the darkness, unilluminated.

Together we cry.
Knowing of its origin.

Snow Day

The scale read 109 pounds this morning. My miserable flu-like-thing returned with a vengeance. I had a rather hectic week and yet again I didn’t sleep properly. I guess it’s no surprise that I got unwell again. The most frustrating bit is that walking the length of the flat is a challenge, let alone going for a run. So now it’s been about 4 months since I’ve had any opportunity to climb regularly. Exams are fast approaching, so no hope in sight either.

It was however nice to have an extended weekend… this seems to be the winter of snow!

I still throw like a girl...