No Looking Back

The only thing worse than having to do physio exercises is not being able to do them…

The current thinking is that the running, MTB and physio exercises have been a bit too much and I need a rest.

Looking back over my ever expanding ‘shoulder pain log’ in an attempt to understand the current trend, I noticed that the pain never went away. I thought I had a good period where I was able to climb with little pain. The best that I ever got was a 2-3 (on a scale of 1 – 10, with 10 being the worst) interspersed with periods of severe pain… so much for finding comfort from the past.

I don’t mind climbing with pain – I would rather climb and be in pain than not climb. It’s more the dull aching / throbbing feeling that I get afterwards just sitting on the couch that bothers me.

I miss climbing. I miss not being in pain.

I still don’t feel up for a challenge.

One Step Forward – Ten Steps Back

Just when I thought I was making progress, I had rather a big setback with regards to my shoulder injury. All was fine until last week when I decided to walk home from work and carry my laptop for 2.5 miles in a backpack – owch. It still hasn’t recovered and I’m back to having daily pain. I don’t know if the new physio exercises are exacerbating it as well; they’re quite tough. I’m off to see the physio this Friday for his take on this.

I don’t know what I was thinking. Three medical professionals recommended surgery, but no, I thought I could beat this with physio and quickly as well. I didn’t have much choice either. I don’t have a spare ca. £6,000 lying around or three months where I can go without the use of my right arm.

Since I responded so well to physio initially, I wrongly assumed it would be smooth sailing. Given that I am partly missing a tendon, this of course was never going to be the reality and I think that in part I fooled myself into thinking it would be OK.

It’s exceptionally difficult to try something that you failed at before; particularly when it’s something that you have to put a ton of effort into and have no guarantee of things being any different.

Part of me feels like giving up the battle before I have even begun to fight. I’m tired and I’m sick of fighting.

It’s been tough. It feels like I fell off of a cliff last week and I haven’t quite recovered. I was happy to think that I was making progress, yet even there, all is not lost. I’ve kept up with running and it’s becoming slightly less painful and better still I had a ton of fun mountain biking last weekend.

Recently I was just sticking to the fireroads of Swinley forest. My lack of fitness precluded anything more adventurous. However last week we ‘discovered’ a sweet bit of singletrack and rode it over and over again until it got dark – which isn’t actually that late anymore.

Lately I’ve really been missing climbing. It didn’t bother me for a while, but now I’m starting to feel it. I think I was so caught up with work that I didn’t have time to notice. I’m even missing indoor climbing, so I know I must be desperate.

What a rubbish time of year.