Carreg Hylldrem

My schedule this year dictated having time off during the worst times, namely January and March. Despite the forecast, we decided to head to North Wales, which was of course very soggy. The mornings were OK, but they quickly changed around noon.

We had an obligatory look the RAC’s and Cromlech boulders, but decided they were either too damp or most likely to be so by the time we got the mats out. We also scoped out Ogwen for future sessions, but the experience was more akin to winter climbing with all of the ice and snow around.

Desperation took us down the Aberglaslyn Gorge arriving at a relatively less damp Nantmor, but once again by the time we walked into the bouldering area, the heavens opened up. Determined to climb something not involving plastic, I remembered reading about a bouldering wall at Carreg Hylldrem that claimed to stay dry in all conditions. Preparing for the worst, we were pleasantly surprised.

What a cool little place. It’s steep, featured and most importantly sheltered from the rain. I can’t believe I’ve never tried it out before. There are 4 main independent ‘up’ lines which the guidebook claims all go at around V4 and a low-level traverse at about V3. Endless eliminates abound as well.

We spent about three hours working the problems and making up our own ones. It was really nice to be climbing on real rock again and I thoroughly recommend giving it a go. I would say that you don’t even have to wait for a monsoon for it to be worth it… but this being North Wales, one is often around the corner anyway.

It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but it was good fun.

Return

Exams are finally over, which means that I now have my life back, at least for a short while. I went bouldering (sadly indoors) two days in a row for the first time in ages. The old addiction is coming back. My biggest limiting factor seems to be skin at the moment. Ugh - my hands ache. I found two different V5's that I'm currently working; one at the Arch and one at the West Way. I was hoping to use them as a yardstick for this ‘rebuilding’ phase.

Whilst flailing on one of the aforementioned V5 today, I became aware of a conversation. Before I pulled onto the problem a man and a woman walked into the room. Mid-move on the crux of the V5 the man said to the woman ‘looks like that would be a good one for you’. ‘No way’ she exclaimed. He then added ‘it’s all just strength’. Two points: A). Despite the grimace, I can still hear you. More importantly B). Strength is only the beginning. Every muscle in my body was aching and shouting ‘no!’ If it was just about strength, I probably would have never gotten up a V1 today. I am ridiculously out of shape, tired and distracted. I might not be climbing anywhere near to where I was however, I told myself that I could do this one move. Maybe I would never finish the whole problem, maybe I won’t get my strength back, maybe my life will never get even slightly sorted out, maybe my course was a bad idea (tangent – sorry…), but for god’s sake – I could do this one seemingly impossible to me move!

And I did. Then I fell off the next one.

To me, it’s hardly ever ‘just a boulder problem’.

I still have a rather sinking feeling that began to develop towards the end of last week. I just hope it's all worth it. After I finish something big, I often feel down (as do most people?). I'm hoping it's just that and not foreshadowing. Cue the usual questions as to why am I doing this, why can't I just be happy with how things are... etc.

I was hoping to get out this week, but the weather looks horrible - however on second thought, I think that I need to get out of here.

Everything flows, nothing stands still.

Sneaky Sessions

So I’ve just spent what felt like an eternity preparing for my exams next week – eek! I did little else than revising and it was soul destroying.

I did however get in three sneaky sessions at the West Way located only about a mile from my place. I don’t normally frequent it, as it caters more for leading but convenience took precedence. My first session back was rather shocking as how much I lost. The next one was better as I showed a bit of improvement. However, I was left with the overwhelming feeling of ‘wow, I actually used to be able to do stuff like that’ and felt despondently a million miles away.

I am again left asking the question why am I drawn to stuff that takes everything from me. I tell myself not to worry as the one thing that is pretty much certain is that you can always get back to your former fitness levels. Improving is another issue and passing exams is even less certain. But still… it’s upsetting.

Yesterday however was slightly better. I had been working this V4 (I know… I can hear you chuckling from here) that was um very reachy (*cough*) and though I was making progress on it, I felt weak and like everything had to be exactly right. Not last time though… dyno to an awkwardly too big for my grip pinch, match feet, lock-off, throw for the crimp / pinch weirdness, feet come off… ya – this is what I remember. And then of course, I fell off.

And it was here, distracted and having one of my weakest sessions, I saw myself from a different perspective. I saw myself trying. I saw what I put into it.

Maybe one day I’ll be content with something easy… but it’s definitely not today.

Grendel

Away from the tension I sit in wait as a storm rolls across the gentle hills.
Contemplating the avoidance I take unkindly to being left in the dark.

Down the wooden stairs I trod, flashlight to hand, dispelling the darkness.
At the end, suddenly I clash with my mother, together in half-darkness we travel.

Clinging to the torch, we traverse the kitchen.
Alas there is a spot, the darkness, unilluminated.

Together we cry.
Knowing of its origin.

Snow Day

The scale read 109 pounds this morning. My miserable flu-like-thing returned with a vengeance. I had a rather hectic week and yet again I didn’t sleep properly. I guess it’s no surprise that I got unwell again. The most frustrating bit is that walking the length of the flat is a challenge, let alone going for a run. So now it’s been about 4 months since I’ve had any opportunity to climb regularly. Exams are fast approaching, so no hope in sight either.

It was however nice to have an extended weekend… this seems to be the winter of snow!

I still throw like a girl...

The Hollow Woman

Two weeks ago I got back from Font, where I scarcely did any climbing. Since then I was entirely occupied by a project for uni and subsequently I got the death flu that’s going around. This meant that I didn’t eat a full meal or sleep for a complete night in two weeks.

I finally dragged myself back to the wall and had the worst session I could ever imagine. It was so bad that I actually considered giving up completely. I felt as though the simplest moves were impossible and my body just ached.

I can’t blame it all on being ill. Yes, my rubbishness was exaggerated by being ill, but even worse I think that’s where I’m headed. I’ve lost quite a bit of strength through not regularly climbing. My course has been taking up a ton of time, as I thought it would and I have exams in exactly a month’s time, so I won’t be able to devote any time to climbing until afterwards. But will it be too late.

While I was floundering on the easiest stuff I couldn’t help but think about how difficult it would be to get back to where I was, let alone better. For the first time, I felt as though I didn’t know if it would be worth it.

I guess I always had in the back of my mind, no, I’m not good, but I can get a bit better. That has completely gone and along with it my motivation. I don’t take kindly to bimbling. I think it’s a waste of time. I have never climbed ‘for the fun of it’ (or at least not as an ultimate goal). Climbing is an all out battle. It exists only in those moments of complete intensity and sharpness, pushing - no willing myself to do what I cannot. For the moment that’s out of the question.

And to add to the joy, my shoulder is a mess from writing all the time.

Argh…

And just for Peter - here's your link ;-)

Of Gates and Doorways

Poised on the transition between the beginning and end, I am finding January rather a struggle.

It’s been a month of invoking old demons, battling wars that should have long finished but even in this state of change, an uncomfortable yet growing hope has been born. There is clarity to be had when all seems uncertain, the focus afforded by the intensity of the moment.

I question why change if it often seems too much. Paradoxically this is only ever resolved by admitting that giving up didn’t work.

Snowy Font

I have never gotten on with Font at the best of times, but lack of funds and dictated holiday periods made Bleau in January sound like not too bad an idea.

We arrived late on Saturday and woke up to cold, but decent conditions on Sunday. Still tired from our trip we wandered around nearby Buthiers scoping out potential projects. Sadly, this was to be our best day out. It snowed on Tuesday and the temperature never got above -5C.


The rest of the week was spent attempting to clean problems and giving up in despair as you can never seem to get all of the ice off the slopers and given that this is Font, nearly every problem contains at least one requisite sloper. Also, our fingers and toes would pretty much go instantly numb. One day our car thermometer registered 12F (-11C) in the afternoon!

I did however manage to find this gem with big sharp holds way off circuit at Isatis. Yes, I found the only pocketed overhang in all of Font, but sadly, it’s just a 6a+.

Angle Incidence, Isatis

Here’s a video if you’re interested. I don’t top out in it as the last sloper was gathering a lot of ice by the time that I got around to recording it and I didn’t fancy slipping off it and landing on my back.

It was nice to get away, but equally, I don’t feel in a rush to go back. Is it just me or is Font not all that it’s made out to be? I will admit, the general style of climbing (technical, tedious, err… tenuous) was never my thing, but all those boulders… and I don’t want to climb any of them… except maybe Carnage, but I’m not standing in a queue to boulder.

Happy Holidays

Wishing you the best for the new year.

It Should Be Easy… Shouldn’t It?

A V4 that really ought to be easier than it is!
© Sarah Clough

I have this odd notion fixed in my head that if you are good at something, you don’t have to work very hard for it. In practice, I know the complete opposite.

I think that ability or whatever only gets you so far, the rest is just plain hard work.

But how much should one have to work? I spent the past week non-stop studying. It wasn’t a pretty sight and it caused me to question, if I have to work this hard – I must be rubbish and I should give up now. Can it really be worth it?

But this can’t be right. People work for years on developing theories, solving problems, understanding things and by definition – they were good enough.

It’s difficult to know how much to expect or how far to push it.

I guess it’s about perspective. On one end you end up never being satisfied, always looking for the unobtainable. On the other, you set your sights too low and never push yourself.

Hmm… I guess another way of looking at it is, if something really is that easy, is it worth doing?

I suspect the things that drive you and comprise you are long fought, hard won and never easy.

Break

A lot of this blog is taken up with posts about not climbing on account of injury, bad weather or most recently due to a hectic schedule. Generally this has quite a negative impact on my climbing.

Oddly enough, after my most recent break, I don’t seem to be a million miles away from where I left off. I’ve been away from regular training for well over two months now, but I might even go so far as to say that the break was slightly beneficial.

Here is a (somewhat boring) video of me at The Arch this weekend.



The V5 took one session to do and the V6 two; not too bad. I also ticked another V5 that took two sessions, but popped a pad on my finger, so no video for that one.

I like the initial heel hook move on the V6 and it seems to suit me. The wild dyno at the top and subsequent awkward hand matching isn’t the regular flowing sequence. It just works for me.


I haven’t been outside in ages though and that it really depressing.

I did however manage to get some mountain biking in at Swinley forest on Sunday. Cool crisp air and frosted earth. It’s not bouldering, but it’s not a million miles away either.

Silencio

In a desperate attempt to regain lost strength, not to mention dignity, I ventured to my wall tonight, expecting nothing more than a few V4’s.

I got a V5 that I failed last time on the first go and did a lap on it just to make sure, but even more surprising was the V6 that I did every move save the last and to make it even sweeter, I found out that I was adding moves to the start that weren’t necessary (though I feel it’s a much better problems with the gratuitous sideways campus move ;-)).

Seeing as I haven’t been climbing in ages and I was actually feeling very, very tired tonight, what was different?

First, it was quiet.

It seems as though the word is out and my favourite wall is no longer a secret. Good for business, bad for concentration.

Sometimes even utterly inconsequential V5s at the wall require a huge effort for me. I often have to put so much of myself into it; probably too much. I find it extremely difficult to do so if I’m being distracted. I have to dig deep and focus, silly as it sounds.

It is actually part of what I enjoy most about bouldering, the ability to commit and focus yourself 100% on something that seems impossible and ultimately (err… hopefully) seeing it through. It just doesn’t work for me in crowded room.

The other big difference is simply wanting it. After a layoff I always forget just how much you need to want something and the more difficult it is, the more you have to want it.

I still have a way to go, but maybe I’ve not lost quite as much as I thought I had.

Yo estaba bien por un tiempo,
volviendo a sonreír.