Now that all the cards have been laid on the table, I never feel alone. The heaviness of it thumps down the hallway behind me. It enters every room before I do and spills over the conversation. I’m haunted by knowing how the story ends.
This blog has in some way been about giving up. Climbing for me was a distraction from a life that had otherwise ended. It served as a focus which eventually gave me a piece of myself back, but it’s what happened next which was always my goal.
Of all the aspects surrounding challenges, dealing with failure is the one that I find most difficult. Reason would dictate that I should be accustomed to it by now, but this isn’t so. In fact I feel as though it’s cumulative and gets worse with each one.
I constantly set difficult challenges for myself. I’m never happy with just getting by. Time and time again I have wished that this wasn’t the case. I don’t even know if constantly battling makes me happy. It’s just what I do. Given this, I need to be more at peace with not always achieving what I set out to do.
Last week I achieved exactly what I set out to do. I still can’t understand why the emotions of sadness and joy feel so similar. Maybe they aren’t that different.
3 comments:
Life's not really a matter of stops and starts, but rather like ocean waves that develop, crest and crash, sometimes tumultuous, others, tranquil. The challenges are there and the desire to push one's limits will also take on different forms over time. I know, at 41, my mind is still that of a 20 year old when it comes to pushing my body, but I'm reluctantly beginning to find balance - priding myself on being more fit and able than most of those in my peer age group, but that is a distant second to what truly drives me - that's the wee thing in your noggin that serves as a catalyst to our pursuits and endeavours. ALWAYS push your limits and never resign to defeat. Merely accept that, with all that lies beyond our goals, we've simply just not got there yet!
You must have to try some new thing now that would be full of adventure.
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No worries. Everything will be fine soon
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