Whilst perusing my filing cabinet for paper to cannibalise as scrap, I came across a letter that I had long since forgotten about.
It listed how I was more than academically qualified to continue my studies, however despite even having a UK visa, it wasn’t the right kind. This took years to rectify and I did lose hope for quite a while, not to mention a bit of my sanity.
As I mentioned a while back, I tend to forget stuff like this. It gets lumped into ‘think that I don’t want to think about’ category and is packaged away to some dark chasm in my mind, but what it leaves behind is emptiness. I feel like I lost out on years of my life – as if I was doing nothing, but this is far from true.
I fought a ridiculously drawn out battle and yes, I did lose a bit of myself in the process.
I recently joined the ranks of London cycle commuters and it is well… a challenge. Earlier in the week however my trip in went great and the morning sun was a perfect autumn gold. I think that I stumbled upon a bit of peace in the shadow of the A40 flyover.
I have a sense of purpose that bouldering was never able to give me. It always left me feeling empty and wanting more. Saying this, however, it did give me the ability to believe in myself when that time had long past, which is why ultimately I don’t want to distance myself from it too much.
I’ve taken a few weeks off from training. I kinda always planned on doing such and besides, the weather is absolute rubbish this time of year, but I’ll be back. I don’t give up that easily.