Friday, 21 August 2009

What’s wrong with my shoulder...

Next Thursday I will be having ‘contrasting agent’ injected directly into my joint facilitating MRI visualisation to answer that very question.

It’s unlikely to be good news. After examination the surgeon suggested three possibilities. First, I knackered my shoulder joint on the top through wear and tear (and most likely genetic susceptibility). I didn’t get an exact name for this condition (and never actually heard of it before), but the disheartening part is that it requires surgery. The next likely diagnosis is a SLAP tear, which I’m more familiar with and also requires surgery. Coming in at a very, very distant third is my original diagnosis of an exceptionally severe rotator cuff impingement which is fixable with physical therapy.

At any rate, it looks like climbing is out of the picture for some time. That is of course if I go through with it. A large part of me feels like cancelling my appointment next week (I don’t want a huge needle stuck into the sorest part of my body!!) and sticking my head in the sand again. However the reality of my pain no longer affords me such liberties. I haven’t been able to sleep in weeks. Climbing is agony and yet again I am living in fear of having to pick up the kettle.

Immediately my thoughts turn to why. What did I do wrong.

Trying too hard. Wanting something too much. Pushing myself too much. Ever so slightly believing.

Everything that makes me me.

Am I supposed to give up on that.

In all likelihood it was a random event predicated on nothing more than a desire to climb. But it’s been a tough year – OK, life and my mind tends to wander.

I’m scared.

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Shoulder Hell

Yet again, I’ve been occupied with work and had hardly any time for climbing. I was however managing to squeeze in the odd session at the wall here and there... until last week. Ugh, I’m back in shoulder hell. My old injury, whatever it was, is acting up again, only this time it’s much, much worse. I can hardly lift my arm above perpendicular without wincing in pain and I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep in weeks. I wake up in pain all of the time.

I guess it’s not surprising since I stopped doing my exercises and I never really knew what was wrong in the first place. Well, this time it’s for real. I’m meeting a surgeon on Thursday *gulp*. First task is to get as proper a diagnosis as possible, which I’m guessing will involve an MRI.

I’m trying my best not to think the worst, but it’s difficult.