So I’ve just spent what felt like an eternity preparing for my exams next week – eek! I did little else than revising and it was soul destroying.
I did however get in three sneaky sessions at the West Way located only about a mile from my place. I don’t normally frequent it, as it caters more for leading but convenience took precedence. My first session back was rather shocking as how much I lost. The next one was better as I showed a bit of improvement. However, I was left with the overwhelming feeling of ‘wow, I actually used to be able to do stuff like that’ and felt despondently a million miles away.
I am again left asking the question why am I drawn to stuff that takes everything from me. I tell myself not to worry as the one thing that is pretty much certain is that you can always get back to your former fitness levels. Improving is another issue and passing exams is even less certain. But still… it’s upsetting.
Yesterday however was slightly better. I had been working this V4 (I know… I can hear you chuckling from here) that was um very reachy (*cough*) and though I was making progress on it, I felt weak and like everything had to be exactly right. Not last time though… dyno to an awkwardly too big for my grip pinch, match feet, lock-off, throw for the crimp / pinch weirdness, feet come off… ya – this is what I remember. And then of course, I fell off.
And it was here, distracted and having one of my weakest sessions, I saw myself from a different perspective. I saw myself trying. I saw what I put into it.
Maybe one day I’ll be content with something easy… but it’s definitely not today.